Self referential thoughts

One can not think oneself.

The call for this contemplation is suffering, namely; existential rumination, anxiety, or depression.

Mental anguish, misery, or, suffering, is the experience of feeling…
and a resistant thought.

The resistant thought is believed to be true.

The feeling of discord is believed to be because the thought is true.

The feeling of discord arises precisely because, the thought is not true.

Awareness is aware of thoughts.

All thoughts.

No thought ever defines the awareness,
which is prior to & aware of…thoughts.

An Example

Nancy looks in the mirror each morning, see’s that she is aging, and is concerned. She believes her beauty is slipping away, or slowly being lost. She worries she will not be attractive, and is concerned for what other people might think of her appearance. She carries on nonetheless, ‘suffering through’… applying her make up, brushing her hair, plucking and tweezing… all the while believing arising thoughts about herself, and of her beauty slipping away, and of what others may think.

Nancy is experiencing subject-object thoughts. In accordance with the thought, Nancy is the subject, and beauty is the object. Nancy’s assumption is that beauty is, or is not, hers. She does not readily spot this, because she does not recognize her assumption, which can be spotted in recognizing the twoness of the subject-object thought. From Nancy’s discordant (suffering) perspective, beauty is something separate from her, which she had or has, but is losing.

Nancy inspects this thought by checking her direct experience. The subtle implication of the subject-object thought, is the claim that Nancy (subject) has beauty (object, separate of Nancy). The concern is losing, or that Nancy could lose the beauty she believes she ‘has’.

Nancy recognizes the assumption -
that beauty is a thing she has, or possesses.

Nancy inspects her direct experience, for what is actual…

What is the beauty I have?

Where do I have this beauty?

Where did beauty come from?

When did I get, or acquire this beauty I have?

How did I obtain this beauty?

How could I lose beauty?

From inspecting direct experience, Nancy realizes the untrue subject-object implication of the thought. Nancy begins to realize beauty was never an object or ‘thing’ which she had… and that beauty can not be found or pointed to, because beauty is the true nature of what Nancy is. The beauty she truly is, is all around her, never truly coming or going, but eternal, self-evident, and ever-present for all to see.

Nancy experiences the repetition of the subject-object thought the next morning in the mirror again, and she again feels the discord. However, she is now aware of subject-object thoughts. In spotting, or recognizing the separative implication of the thought… as the thought implies Nancy and beauty are separate, she feels relief, and the presence of the true nature, the beauty she Is.

In recognizing the habitual nature of subject-object thoughts, Nancies interrupts the pattern, by writing on her bathroom mirror with a bar of soap…

‘Beauty is not a thing that is mine.
The beauty felt, is the beauty I Am.’

This helps Nancy to more easily recognize why the subject-object thought was not resonating. She sees clearly why she was feeling discord & suffering.

Nancy’s experience by & large begins to shift, as Nancy begins to recognize the beauty of the true nature is present in & as all things, and that she is not separate, but was only believing subject-object thoughts which made it seem so.

As awareness of subject-object thoughts she experiences insight, or, ‘seeing through’ the appearance of separate things, and the believing of separative thoughts about herself. Nancy likes the experience of insight & clarity, and the inherent good-feeling of her nature, and momentum builds in presence of being.

Nancy continues to inspect thoughts and to self-realize, as she relinquishes comparative thoughts, such as comparing herself to others, or being concerned about what others might think of her. She recognizes when others are believing subject-object and or comparative thoughts, and understands & feels compassion where there once was suffering.

Nancy begins to realize and feel more & more deeply that she is beauty, she is beautiful, she is intelligence, she is love, she is peace. Nancy enjoys the bonding experience of connectedness, rather than continuing to impose separation upon herself, with all things, via overlooking the discord of such thoughts. Nancy’s discovery & exploration of self-realization, of the true nature, is well underway. Life is renewed in childhood innocence, or, the Buddha nature, as her heart & mind are illuminated in truth.

Another example

“How do I realize that I am good enough just as I am,
that I am not a problem that needs to be fixed?”

Frank is experiencing a subject-object thought. In accordance with the thought, Frank is the subject, and good is the object. The assumption is that Frank is not already the very goodness in question, or, that Frank is separate of, goodness - hence the implication of the subject-object, or, separative thought.

The belief is that Frank is presently not good enough. Thoughts arise in accordance with that belief, as to how Frank can realize that Frank is good enough.

In believing the thought ‘Frank is not already good’, or ‘good enough’, a secondary belief is added - that this is, or that there is, ‘a problem’.

In believing he is not already good, or not already good enough, and that there is a problem, a third belief is added - that there is, or should be, a solution to ‘the problem’.

Frank is also experiencing a subtle comparative thought. The assumption is that there is a ‘second Frank’, which Frank is comparing himself to, to derive that he is ‘not good enough’.

Frank might also be experiencing a subtle comparative thought, of comparing himself to others. The assumption is that others are not already goodness as well. The fundamental belief is that there are ‘separate selves’. That belief is reinforced, by believing the arising comparative & subject-object thoughts.

In spotting, or uncovering the subject-object and comparative thoughts, Frank now understands why these thoughts do not resonate, or, feel good. In understanding this, Frank chooses to spend a few minutes each day utilizing simple affirmations and meditations, oriented to feeling. Over the course of a few days, Frank is feeling more & more relief from the old thoughts, and is beginning to discover the true nature, or, the very oneness which the subject-object thoughts were in discord with. Frank has ‘found’ the very goodness ‘sought’ within himself, by inspecting and relinquishing the thoughts which veiled, or seemed to ‘cover up’ the goodness Frank is.